you would pick up someone in the library
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
