Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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