Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
