He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
