i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
