Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You pole danced in your parka.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
