How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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