the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
