I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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