I'm going to jail i love you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize