Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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