we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
