i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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