sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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