Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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