i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
