what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
