Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize