is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize