If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
