I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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