I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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