Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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