i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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