Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
