I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize