i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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