shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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