I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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