Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
