can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
