I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
