just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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