i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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