i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
