you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
