I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
