she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dick very happy bro
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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