If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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