She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
