I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
