college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
