I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
