now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
