sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
