I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
