he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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