At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
