You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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