oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
