I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
