Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
