I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
