Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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