I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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