Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
love makes seman taste better
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
