My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
