How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm too high and old for this...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
