clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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