Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
