Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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