We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
