Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
