just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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