is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
